i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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