Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
