Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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