lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Shame - the story of my life.
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