I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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