I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
