Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
