So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
