I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize