We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
