Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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