Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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