You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
