Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I need to stop coming to work sober
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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