My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
