No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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