That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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