Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
