..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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