I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
