I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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