So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
