I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
