Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize