Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
