im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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