Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
