I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
