If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
