i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
