It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
