You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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