I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
