Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Found the puke drawer
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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