All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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