You just made me feel so damn special
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
