she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i think i just lost a toe
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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