he thought i was a dude.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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