Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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