so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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