i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
