Plan B is the new Plan A
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
