i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
