there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize