That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
