Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
