Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
