Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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