I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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