so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
