I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
