I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
