My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Be still, my beating vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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