Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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