Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
