just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
