big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
