***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
