His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
