You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize