Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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