Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
