Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
