I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize