Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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