I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize