I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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