A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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