Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
