It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
