I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
