I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
