tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize