I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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