Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
