I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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