He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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