I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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