Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
