Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
