does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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