Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
