How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
