wat bout pragnant strippers??
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize