either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my shit smells like andre
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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