It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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