Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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