I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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