Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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