my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
