I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
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