so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize