just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
