Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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