My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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