Non-Jews are for practice
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
