people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
