He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
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