i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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